She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
