do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
