Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
