it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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