Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
