Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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