so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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