Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
