I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
