How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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