Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
