Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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