you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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