I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
