I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
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I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
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My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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