Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
