She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
