im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Just invented taco cereal.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
My life is pants optional.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
