T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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