I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
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I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
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I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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