tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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