Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
