Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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