Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
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He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
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You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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