If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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