Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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