i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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