There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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