mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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