the condom got lost in my hair
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
