She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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