It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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