If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
