Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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