i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
