I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
