I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
