too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize
