Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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