she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
