i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I came so hard my ears popped.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
