you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize