There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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