billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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