I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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