So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
i came on her dog
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
