You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
