That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
