worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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