I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
