She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
