I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
