Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
