And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
