Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
