i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize