he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I am never drinking with the goths again.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
