it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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