does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
