birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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